“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”~ Brene Brown
Our minds and bodies have an incredible ability to protect us. When we experience trauma or prolonged stress, we develop coping mechanisms to survive. These mechanisms unconsciously become our identity.
In the past, I have used emotional eating as a coping mechanism. I have used immersing myself in work till my bones hurt as a coping mechanism. I have used avoidance and isolation as a coping mechanism. But all because I was too afraid at the time to face the feelings and emotions that were coming up. I did it because I needed to survive through so much trauma without any guidance or knowing how.
I know you know what I am talking about. We all have our very own coping mechanisms.
These behaviors aren’t flaws; they are survival strategies. But as we grow, they can limit us. They keep us trapped in patterns that no longer serve us, even though they once helped us feel safe. The truth is, healing isn’t about erasing these parts of ourselves. It’s about understanding them, letting go of the patterns that no longer serve us, and creating a new way of being that is not defined by our pain.
To move forward, I needed to start by recognizing these patterns for what they are: ways my body and mind have tried to protect me. There is no shame in them. But healing means, it’s time to move through them with intention.
Here are a few steps I used to begin healing from the behaviors that no longer served me(you can use them too!):
1. Observe without judgment. When you find yourself isolating or pushing people away, stop and observe. What triggered this response? Is it an old wound asking for attention? Just asking yourself this question, brings you back to the present moment.
2. Feel your feelings, not just your fears. Fear is often the loudest voice, but beneath it, there are deeper emotions. Allow yourself to feel anger, sadness, grief, or disappointment without trying to push them away. Know that feelings are like a wave, if they come up they must come down. When you feel them and acknowledge them, they come down faster.
3. Create safety in the present. Healing doesn’t happen in the past or future. It happens now. Ground yourself in the present moment through breathing, connecting with nature, or simply sitting with yourself all the while being aware, that in this present moment, you are safe.
4. Challenge your story. If your pain has been your identity for so long, it’s easy to believe it defines you. But you are not your pain. Challenge the stories you’ve told yourself about who you are. You can rewrite them.
5. Set small, compassionate goals. Take it one step at a time. Don’t pressure yourself to “fix” anything because you are not broken. You just need a little enhancing, a little refinement, and the small changes will eventually add up. Celebrate every bit of progress. It’s proof that you are moving forward and healing.
Healing is not about erasing your past; it’s about choosing to no longer let it control your future. You don’t have to hold onto the identity built around your pain anymore. You are allowed to let go and grow into who you are becoming.
Today, as a healing soul my coping mechanisms are healthier too. I use prayer, meditation, journaling, walking and breathwork to process and work through the feelings. So much better than the self-sabotaging behaviors of my unhealed self.
What behaviors did you use as coping mechanisms, that you are now healing from? Share in the comments. I would love to learn from you
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